For years now I have toyed with the idea of embarking on a weekend vision quest; just me, alone in a tent with some water, and mother nature. The isolation was supposed to be a way to find myself. By secluding myself from the trappings of “normal” life, I would be able to find clarity and decipher what was truly important as I defined what I wanted out of my existence. Time has come and gone and, despite my longings, I have never acted on this desire. In thinking about what this Native American influenced experience was supposed to offer, I have come to realize that my time in Kurdistan could be providing everything I was looking for and then some.
In the hustle and bustle of daily life it can be difficult to take a step back and truly embark on a journey of exploration and reflection. There are always things to do, people to see, places to go, deadlines to meet, etc. When one to-do list is completed another one promptly replaces it in the daily planner. Everyone around you is mired in a similar labyrinth of decisions and goals. How can I make my life better? What should I be trying to do? How can I get ahead? These questions constantly pervaded my mind and I am certain that this fixation on future results afflicts many others in our society as well. Results, results, results. But in our single minded focus, heavily influenced by societal expectations, I believe we are beginning from the wrong starting point.
From the very beginning we are influenced by what others think we should do. Their visions of our future, in conjunction with the images society deluges us with, contribute to our mental concoction of what we deem a, “good life.” Our true dreams die at an early age, and that bitch called reality slowly shakes the idealism from our souls. We settle into daily routines we often don’t like, become trapped by possessions we often don’t need, and focus on things that, in essence, don’t matter. And all the while we avoid inquiring of ourselves the answers to questions we should have been asking all along: Who am I? What do I really like doing? What kind of people do I want to surround myself with? Who are the most important people in my life, and do they know that?
Life is a journey of self exploration that never stops. In a letter to his son in 1751, Lord Chesterfield wrote, “Study the heart and the mind of man, and begin with your own. Meditation and reflection must lay the foundation of that knowledge, but experience and practice must, and alone can, complete it.” After 4 years of undergraduate, one year in an NGO, and 3 years in graduate school, it became evident that I needed a time-out to reflect on my experiences thus far. I do not mean a simple recounting of memories; rather, a deeper look within myself to see how they have shaped me, and where my soul yearns to go from here. My time in Kurdistan is providing the perfect combination of unaccompanied time with my thoughts; the challenge of acculturation, enabling me to truly question my own beliefs and habits; and the time to analyze what I truly want out of life.
Save for a few drawbacks, living in Duhok has really provided everything that I am looking for. The people are genuine, kind, and well-intentioned. This makes for a pleasant and safe atmosphere to live. Regardless of age, soccer is played all around town on a daily basis. Not a day goes by in which the covered turf fields are not stirring with activity. Playing sports and maintaining a healthy lifestyle are incredibly important to me, and to have this many options at my fingertips provides a sense of real contentment. My work feels important and the students sincerely appreciate my efforts to teach them. Additionally, work is not so pressing that it loses its luster and becomes a chore; the overall laid back attitude towards employment prevents that from happening. These factors, combined with a picturesque mountain backdrop, give Duhok a charming feel that I absolutely want to recreate in the place that I call home.
If Duhok were not 6,000 miles away from my family, there is a good chance I would already consider staying for a bit longer. But this time away has also reinforced the essential nature of friends and family. With so much time to think about what I truly value, certain relationships are shining brightly in my mind. Only about 4.5 months in, I still have 10 months left in Kurdistan. The journey is far from over, and I still have much to learn about myself. I guess I didn’t need a tent in the forest after all, just an apartment in the Middle East.
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