Saturday, May 12, 2012

Dr. Strangelove


             Once you stay in a place long enough, what outsiders see as unusual, risky, or odd you chalk up as part of the daily routine.  I was not surprised when the health department closed down the cafeteria that I ate at every day, and they probably should have done it sooner, but I ate there anyways.  When I asked my friend, Warvin, about a place to get some moles on my neck removed I was not surprised when she said, “Don’t be scared if he doesn’t look like a doctor…”  By this point I know what she means.  I have seen patients smoking cigarettes in doctor’s waiting rooms, heard doctors telling me that how much sugar and salt you eat really doesn’t matter, etc. etc.  Despite being a little skittish, I wanted the moles removed at the lowest price possible.  They weren’t a major nuisance, nor were the reasons cosmetic, but they were large enough to warrant a removal to be on the safe side.  And so the journey began.
            Warvin and I met up in the bazaar to go to this “famed mole removal guy.”  Evidently he has made quite a name for himself in the community as someone who does a good job for a low price.  It sounded promising, but I was definitely unsure of why were heading into the bazaar.  I thought he may just have an office in there or something, but nope.  After winding through the bazaar’s many small roads, passing the shoe section, vegetables, and gold, we come to a tiny room that can’t be more than 6x6.  There is no door, only a red curtain.  Inside there are two men wearing sandals, both around 60, and one of them is sleeping.  Welcome to the doctor’s office. 
            I had absolutely no idea that this would be the place I was going to, but here I was.  If I had seen it in advance I may or may not have come, but here I was so there was no turning back.  Once the second guy is woken up from his midday slumber he inspects the back of my neck and tells Warvin, in Kurdish of course, that it isn’t a problem and he can remove it.  I sit down and he injects the area of the first mole with an anesthetic.  He then revs up this machine that sounds like a saw and goes to work.  I feel a burning sensation that is dull and bearable, but then at one point it hurt.  Warvin said he burned my neck, but the mole was gone.  She is talking to him in Kurdish as I am helplessly sitting there.  She tells him only to remove one, but he insists and does the second anyways.  Except this time he doesn’t use any anesthetic or the burning machine.  He simply grabbed a knife and lopped it off. 
            I had intentions of possibly removing an additional two moles, but this was enough for one day.  I had no idea how these two would turn out, and it is still difficult to tell as my neck is still burned and caked with dry blood and scabs.  To top off the experience, he hands me a tube and tells me to apply it to my neck.  After looking at the medicine he gives me, it clearly states on the box: Eye Ointment.  He dismisses my gestures towards my eyes and reiterates to put it on my neck.  Fine.  I ask how much this whole ordeal costs.  He tells me it is free because I am American.  Just another day in Kurdistan.  

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