Fear and Fulfillment

            Although two very different concepts, I strongly believe that you cannot achieve a true sense of fulfillment unless there is some element of fear along the way.  When I step entirely outside of my comfort zone there is, naturally, a slight hesitation.  New or different can often be quite scary.  However, it is when you face down a fear and challenge yourself to move forward that you can truly see what you are made of.  Coming to Iraq was one of these personal tests, but I was again reminded of the interconnectedness between fear and fulfillment today for slightly different reasons.

            The main goals in my coming here were to: save money, travel to new places, immerse myself in a new culture, start an NGO, and perhaps most importantly, to see if teaching was a profession that I really wanted to pursue.  If all of the other factors did not line up perhaps I would not have taken this position.  Although there are many times that I am frustrated, the classroom is a natural fit.  For this reason alone I am glad that I took the plunge and moved to Iraq.  Fourteen months abroad is a small price to pay to potentially find a major passion in your life.  It has only been about two weeks, and I will certainly re-visit the issue in due time, but I feel as though this is something I could be comfortable doing every day.    Had I not faced down the numerous fears associated with this journey I may have never pursued this nascent interest.

            The previous example is one of far reaching implications, but facing your fears brings fulfillment to daily life as well.  Today we went to this place called “Three Bridges.”  It is about an hour and a half away from Duhok, comfortably nestled between numerous rocky mountains.  Evidently, the PKK (translated to Kurdistan Workers’ Party) also calls this area home, no doubt for its remote location and difficult terrain.  The scenery at “Three Bridges” was absolutely picturesque.  The sun was setting, illuminating the valley below, and crystal clear water rushed down the mountain.  The only traces of man were some scattered trash, a consistent source of consternation, and the bridges which looked like they were built in 1950.  As we sat on the rocks overlooking the water and ate, all was well in the world.  

     That is, until I was told that in order to swim I had to climb down a steep, rocky drop-off.  It was not any more than 25 feet of climbing, but as someone who is scared of heights, I was having serious doubts about whether or not I would be able to swim.  After Paige and Amad climbed down, I stood around for a good 5 minutes just watching them.  I had two choices in my head: either take the safe avenue and stay at the top with Reving, or climb down and seize this opportunity.  After a good self pep talk, I said, “fuck it,” and cautiously moved down the rocks and cannon-balled into the icy water.  A rush of satisfaction came over me, shortly followed by a rush of frigidity throughout my body.  It took another rousing mental speech to get myself to get back up the rocky face of the drop-off, but afterwards I felt a sense of accomplishment and confidence. 

There is no telling what kind of opportunities we will have in our lives.  The only question we must ask ourselves is: Will we be timid, or will we take the plunge?   Literally and figuratively, I am happy that I chose the latter.